OUR TOP POP HITS
Our server delivers a daily, weekly, monthly
(and probably someday a centennial) list of
what are our most popular pages.
Here are fifteen of the most requested.

NEW TITLES
Slowspoke
"'I'll bet you're lost.'
I told him I needed to
get to Road CC on gravel roads.
'In other words, you're lost.
We haven't had
a unicycle traveler yet
who has stopped here and
hasn't been lost.'"

The Remedy
"Koch had fallen victim to Leonardo da Vinci's idea that
the greatest deception men suffer is from their own opinions.
Furthermore, having discovered the cause of tuberculosis,
Robert Koch decided he was the one to develop a cure."

Wake Up and Laugh
"Hell is right here in this world, heaven is here,
and the Brahma realm is also right here in this world ...
When you live free from the shackles of your mind,
everywhere you are is a heavenly realm.
Heaven and hell are not somewhere else."

Best New Poets --- 2013
"It was a riotous party, and I recall
taking down my guitar and singing a bevy of songs
by my favorites --- Beatles, Elvis, Little Richard.
They say that despite my lack of syncopation,
I was a riot --- especially when
I belted out 'Blue Suede Shoes.'"

Faces in the Crowd
"I saw William Carlos Williams beside me,
wearing enormous glasses,
inspecting the vagina of a miniature woman
lying on a napkin on the bar;
Ezra Pound hanging in a cage
at the corner of the counter and
García-Lorca tossing him peanuts,
which he accepted gleefully."

Stars Go Blue
"I wanted to ring Renny (or the author),
tell her to get some meds at once.
This mooning around is driving all of us crazy.
Ben's lost it, she's beginning to go,
and I'm a bit on edge meself."

Tibetan Peach Pie
"The pale blue sky broke out in bruises,
dark tanks of cumulus came rolling in,
bucking and heaving like a Russian rodeo.
Claws of lightning ripped a turbid bodice,
thunder neighed like all the czar's horses."

Great Reviews of the Past
The Last Sideshow
"The fat man was lolling back on his huge chair asleep
and the rubber man was dozing until we passed him
and his eyes opened and he stared straight at me
and swallowed his nose."

LETTERS
The Committee Against Bonsai Abuse

MORE LETTERS
St Denys' Church Colmworth

EVEN MORE LETTERS
Six Hundred And Eighty Thousand Pounds
From the World Bank for RALPH

ARTICLES
The Immense Machinic Phylum
"I have to figure things out for myself
even if I lose time doing it,
since it is impossible to find a human being
within these networks. Moreover,
the time that I lose is time gained
by the company or institution, time that
I have graciously made
available to them."

Great Articles from the Past
The Mordida
"A noble era, indeed; a time when
we didn't automatically think 'felony'
every time we had the urge to enjoy
a well-lubricated drive home from work."

READINGS
The First Day of My Unicycle Trip Across America
"I, too, found myself contemplating a man on a unicycle,
a tiny measure of fascination mixed with a larger portion of dread.
This man was traveling insecurely, his movement undulating.
He was foolish and exposed to the world.
He was in pain."

Kimchi
"There are variations in which
radishes, turnips, and/or cucumbers
are added to the cabbage,
but the fermentation is essential ---
and the effect is the same:
after one has eaten kimchi,
one's breath could run a train."

Great Readings from the Past
Banning the Orgasm
"Given how physically pleasurable orgasm
and its preamble are, the Christian achievement in
bending the collective human mind away from
thoughts of sex as anything beyond an occasionally
necessary bodily function was no small feat."

Denigration
"Did we surprise our teachers
who had niggling doubts about the picayune brains
of small black children who reminded them of clean pickaninnies
on a box of laundry soap?"

POETRY
What Would Freud Say?
"I woke with a sense
of what nails in the palms
might do to a spirit
temporarily confined to flesh.
That too was an accident
if you believe Judas
merely wanted to be loved.
To be loved by God,
Urban the 8th
had heads cut off
that were inadequately
bowed by dogma."

Great Poems of the Past
Aubade of the Singer and Saboteur, Marie Triste
"I was at Dachau by the weekend. They have kept me in
A small cell. A young lieutenant tortured me that first night.
Knowing I was a singer they asked me to perform
For the commandant early the next week."

OUR NEW BOOK
(Still Hot Off the Press)
The Noisiest Book Review in the Known World
was published last year.
It contains 200 or so of what we believe
to be the best articles, readings, reviews and poems
from this magazine --- from our very first years to now.
Here you will find all necessary information
on ordering this two-volume set,
which recently received the Kirkus star.

THE OFFICIAL RALPH
Paradox-of-the-Month

GENERAL INDEX
All the back-issues of RALPH,
including titles of books under review,
along with author, subject, and publisher,
plus links to readings, articles, and poems
that have appeared on-line
since 1994.

A PITHY SAMPLE
of our most notorious reviews
as collected in the hard-copy
"FOLIO"

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