R  A  L  P H
  The Review of Arts, Literature, Philosophy and the Humanities

Number 126

Late Winter 2004 - 2005

Thousands of Hits
21 Articles, Reviews, Poems, Readings
and Letters from the Past Ten Years
That Continue to Receive the Most Hits
Month after Month (after Month)

Garden Insects of North America
The Ultimate Guide to Backyard Bugs
despite the bad rap,
are not the major
chemical polluters in America.
Your average homeowner/gardener
uses almost three-quarters of the
insect pest-control poisons
sold in the United States."

"After we put
dear old Dad
in the ground, Toast gets quite lively.
In fact, your reviewer would have preferred
to have planted the old bastard
around page 20
instead of page 200."

Memoirs of a Dwarf
At the Sun King's Court
"The oldest of old wheezes
has to do with the dwarf
that went around sticking his nose
in everybody's business.
If we are to believe the stories
related by Weidner's narrator,
it's literally true."

Great Reviews of the Past
Bugs, Bites, and Bowels
"The disease we must all avoid,
at all costs, is malaria.
2,700,000 succumb to the disease each year.
Malaria mosquitoes 'hunt from sundown
at ankle level and they like
sweaty feet.'"

Caesar's Column
A Home at the End of the World

The Best American Nonrequired Reading 2004

Maori Tattoos
Reginald A. Fessenden
The Deluged Civilization of the Caucasus Isthmus

The Cataract Blues
Part I
"They have this tiny mixmaster
they jab in your eyeball,
and they mush up your lens,
then they suck the muck out
with a mini-Hoover vacuum,
and then they jam in
a new plastic lens.
It's a lead-pipe cinch."

Part II
"Oh sure,
using corrective lenses,
with my new plastic eye,
I can spot the fleas on the ass
of a gnat-catcher perched in a treetop
a mile away. But not being
much of a birdwatcher by trade,
it does me little good."

AIDS and Big Brother
"I mad at him.
I be tired and diseased and
I ain't even good-looking no more.
I got a right to be left alone.
I think, why he messing with me, anyhow?
He so hard up
he got to make it with an HIV lady?
Huh, dumb kid."

When the Aliens Took the Boy Apart
"The left kidney
they lifted out and
replaced with a big green emerald ---
where could they have gotten it? ---
all faceted and glittering.
The right kidney
they sliced out more neatly,
and stuffed a blue forty-watt light bulb
in its place."

A New Updated Mother Goose
"'Please don't call us that,'
said his biological but not spiritual son.
'We have changed our names
to symbolize the birth of our new consciousness
and to separate ourselves
from our heartless, exploitative upbringing.'"

Love, When I Die
"Don't shout, love, that you got along with me
And that without me you are like a book without a cover,
Nor begin, with a heart-rending voice,
to divulge the details of my secret life."


A complete list of all books reviewed in RALPH,
arranged by title, including author, subject, and publisher,
plus a listing of all readings, articles and poems
that have appeared since 1994.

of our most notorious reviews
as collected in the hard-copy

Help perpetuate honest, noisy, pesky book reviews.
With your $25 subscription, you get
a free copy of one or more of the titles from
Mho & Mho Works

T H E  F A C T S
Submitting Books
The best way to get books to RALPH for review.
Submitting Reviews
Suggestions for would-be reviewers --- and payment schedule.
RALPH didn't spring full-blown from the brows of the gods:
     We've been around (in different guises) for over thirty years.     
The Fessenden Fund
Describing the good works of RALPH's official godparent
Copyright Notice
The Reginald A. Fessenden Educational Fund, Inc.

Lolita Lark, Editor-In-Chief
Post Office Box 16719
San Diego CA 92176


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