Dear Miss Lark,

Why don't you put new reviews and articles in your ratty little magazine? I get tired of looking and finding only the same articles week after week. Salon changes its articles.

Back when A. W. Allworthy was running things, things were better.

--- Irate Reader

Our editor replies:

Salon has a capital base of $40,000,000, and 180 writers, editors, and staff.

RALPH has a capital base of $400, a 1912 wood-burning computer, and a few anarchistic, paranoid, drunken, debased --- possibly even imaginary --- part-time writers. What more can you expect from such a bunch of misanthropes?

Hi John,

As a fellow human and sometimes acquaintance of Ms. Lark, I must write to warn you, and to prevent Lo's falling into a pining jag for the open road after these many years.

You may recall that Mr. H was not in any too good shape after he made a similar proposal to Lo too soon after her mother's death.

As they used to say in the adverts, "don't let this happen to you!"

Since taking up with the gang out at Rev. Allworthy's, Ms. Lark has been ever better, and is become quite a necessary fixture here. Please do not encourage her to abandon her quiet, comfortable life at the Madonna Perdido trailer park and take to the road again... the last trip nearly did her in, utterly.

--- Phil

Hello, Ignacio Schwartz:

In your review of A Natural History of Zero, you recount the tale of the blinding of a Cyclops.

Isn't the Nobody who blinded the 'Clops Odysseus, not Oedipus?

--- Dan

Ignacio Schwartz replies:

Good thinking --- and thanks.

I had my blinds drawn, so to speak.

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