R  A  L  P  H
  The Review of Arts, Literature, Philosophy and the Humanities 
Volume XII, Number 3 --- Fall, 1996

This will lead you to the latest issue of
The Review of Arts, Literature, Philosophy,
and the Humanities.

For $10 a year, you get our love, our thanks,
and the knowledge that we will be around
to haunt you and yours in the future.

The previous issue of RALPH. This will lead you
back to previous issues. Which (in turn), will lead you
into the far, fat, dark, and dangerous frontiers of entropy.

Thursday's Universe
"Neutrinos are, obviously, not unlike bureaucrats.
Not only are they indifferent, and invisible --- they are everywhere,
indecently so, and are always taking long lunch breaks."

The Undertaking: Life Studies from the Dismal Trade
"Where was Thomas Lynch when we needed him?
Funny, compassionate and looking like an Irish leprechaun,
he makes the undertaking business seem almost human."

Nixon: A Psychobiography
"At times Volkan creates a reductio ad absurdum
such as 'Leaks from the White House aggravated Nixon
because they represented anal insufficiency and loss of bowel control.'"

Honey, Mud, Maggots, and Other Medical Marvels
"We could let sugar and honey cure pressure sores,
maggots cleanse intractable wounds, and drink down
a glassful of urine each morning as a pick-me-up."

Palmetto bugs, dead New Yorkers, Rajneesh, Mencken,
Wilde, wild Kundalini, Safaris, and Texas

Favorites from the past:
An Interesting Theory of Anorexia

Sometimes I Feel Like
Stephen Hawking Must Feel Like
After A Bad Night
"Here I am on the telephone, with some geek
from the University of Nowheresville Media Department,
and he wants me to talk about the fever
and those weeks when they had to tie me to the bed."

Die Liedersinger
"One night, in desperation, I exhorted him to look up
and talk to me. In a tremulous voice, he wailed,
I used to sing Schubert lieder!
His sobs gave way to gales of laughter."

Travelling Alone
"The food looks good enough to eat,
but it could lay you out for a week.
A mosquito bite could give you a lifelong disease."

Kicking Doors
"Wherever I found religion in my life I found strife,
the attempt of one individual or group to rule another in the name of God.
The naked will to power seemed always to walk in the wake of a hymn."

Granny Wallon's Wines
"Granny Wallon made wine as though demented,
and no doubt, if given enough sugar and yeast,
could have made a drink out of a box of old matches."

"Serenely unkempt were those final years,
free from confict, doubt or dismay,
while she reverted gently to a rustic simplicity
as a moss rose reverts to a wild one."

The Bath
"Wonderful and most EXCELLENT agaynst all diseases of the body
proceeding of a MOIST CAUSE as Rhumes, Agues, Lethargies, Apoplexies,
The Scratch, Inflammation of the Fits, hectic flushes, Pockes, deafness,
forgetfulness, shakings and WEAKNESS of any Member
---Approved by authoritie, confirmed by Reason and daily tried by experience."

Paris Painters
"Lowelito said the buildings were leaning that way
because the artist had complete freedom. He said the artist
could lean his buildings any way he pleased, because
once they got into his painting they belonged to him."

Remember You Must Die
"One factor is constant in all your reports. The words,
'Remember you must die.' It is, you know, an excellent thing
to remember this, for it is nothing more than the truth."

A Love Poem for Wally Miller Who, in a Fit of Despair,
Drove His Electric Wheelchair Into the Family Swimming-pool

"Well, Wally. You certainly made a splash.
I think you should have gotten the Olympic Gold
For that classic one-and-a-half gainer."

"His words were occupying armies
Her laughs were an assassin's attempts
His looks were bullets daggers of revenge
Her glances were ghosts in the corner with horrible secrets..."

Song to SuppHose
"You turned to me and said, They gave us the script,
But they forgot to give us the plot line,
And they have yet to tell us who the author is..."

Books that have been sent to us within the last fortnight or so.

T H E  F A C T S
Submitting Books
The best way to get books to RALPH for review.
Submitting Reviews
Suggestions for would-be reviewers --- and payment schedule.
RALPH didn't spring full-blown from the brows of the gods:
 We've been around (in different guises) for over twenty-five years. 
The Fessenden Fund
Other activities of RALPH's godparents, including
Mho & Mho Works

Ralph R. Doister, Editor-In-Chief
Post Office Box 16719
San Diego CA 92176


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