Offer from the Libyan Government

FROM: Libya


Following the successful transition of a new Libya Government and the announcement of investments in several infrastructure and construction projects, Libya has become a desirable country to invest in. Kindly advise if your company has the license or capability to execute a mutil million contract supply project for the Government of Libya. If your answer is yes, kindly furnish me your response. Thank you and treat very urgent. Due to numerous emails received in my official email, Please for my quick response to your email, send your reply to both private email: and Official email: for my urgent attention

--- Tijani

Hi, Tijani:

Thank you for your fascinating offer, and I am happy to inform you that we have the "capability to execute a mutil million contract supply project for the Government of Libya."

We are surprised and pleased that such an august political institution such as the Libyan state would be intent on putting out a monthly book-review magazine aimed mostly at codgers, geezers, and other bed-wetters. Since few if any of our writers are versed in Libyan Arabic or Berber, we would hope that we could continue to publish in English although Wikipedia tells us that because of your historic ties with Italy, we could perhaps put out an article or a poem in Italian with every issue of the magazine.

And the thought of "a multi million contract" seems awfully generous. We are not sure if you are going to be paying us in the Libyan dinar (LYD) but, if it is no problem to you, we would prefer dollars or --- given the generally uneasiness in the financial markets nowadays, if you could pull it off --- we would accept gold bars (or oil futures) as well.

As far as location, we are not sure if you would let us continue to operate out of our present small studios in southern California, but if you insist, we could perhaps have a second office in Tripoli or Banghazi although we understand there are occasional uprisings in those areas, so we might be more content with a quiet beach-side compound in or around Sidra. Or, if it is available, a small office near the temple of Zeus in the ancient city of Cyrene.

I have to warn you that most of our staff does enjoy sitting about in the sun, drinking margaritas and working on their tans, so if you have no problems with a half-dozen old duffers lounging about in their cut-offs, the ladies in their old-fashioned swimming-skirts, all of us making small talk in the late afternoon sun over a cheery drink, I think we have a deal.

Because of our possible alliance, I have instructed our writers to bone up on your country's national anthem, "Libya, Libya, Libya," so oft-times if you drop by our offices here, you may hear us beginning our staff meetings by all joining in, in close harmony,

    O my country,
    O my country,
    With my struggle and gladiatorial patience,
    Drive off all enemies' plots and mishaps
    Be saved, be saved, be saved, be saved all the way
    We are your sacrifices
    Libya, Libya, Libya!

I have just one request, and I hope it is not too onerous for you. Since our finances here at RALPH have been a little, shall we say, shaky over the past few months, if you could possibly send along by wire transfer a little downpayment... I can get our bank number to you asap if this is possible, assuming of course that those ninnies at Bank of America haven't closed down our account again in the meantime. NSF, indeed!

We would very very grateful even if it has to be done in dinars --- hoping that the rate of exchange remains steady for the rest of this month until conversion. We could accept those, as long as there is enough there for us to begin our plans get our djellabas packed and make the other arrangements to transfer all our more adventurous staff members to join what may be a completely different world entirely.

--- Libya, Libya, Libya!
Lolita Lark

Editor, RALPH
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