Farm
Motors
Practical Hints for
Handy-men
J. Brownlee Davisson &
Leon Wilson Chase
(Lyons)

Farm Motors was originally published in 1908 by the Orange Judd Company of New York. In this text, the term "Motors" is very broadly interpreted. The first chapter discusses "Animal Motors:"

Although the animal differs from other forms of motors, being an animated thing, it is possible, however, to consider it as a machine in which energy in the form of food is transformed into mechanical energy, which may be applied to the operation of various machines.

The authors praise the horse as a machine outstanding in its field: "Viewed from the standpoint of a machine, the animal is a wonderful mechanism. Not only it is self-feeding, self-controlling, self-maintaining and self-reproducing, but at the same time is a very efficient motor."

While the horse is like a heat engine in requiring carbonaceous fuel, oxygen, and water for use in developing energy, it is necessary that combustion take place in the animal body at a much lower temperature than is possible in the heat engine, and a much smaller proportion of the fuel value is lost in the form of heat while the work is being done.

"It is one of the most efficient of prime movers," they conclude. Experiments by a certain Professor Atwater found

the average thermodynamic efficiency of man to be 19.6 per cent. Experiments conducted by the scientist Hirn have shown that the thermodynamic efficiency of the horse to be about 0.2.

For those of us with an affection for the aesthetics of the mechanico-humanists from the early part of the century, this writing evolves into a merge of Darwinism, pure science, appeal to the deity ("prime movers"), and dada poetry ("an animated thing" "Atwater" "Hirn").

The authors call on physics to explain the modus operandi of the horse: "the animal is made up of a great number of systems of levers and joints, each supplied with a system of muscles which are in reality the motors." There is a exquisite simulacrum working here, a turn-of-the-century affection for the mechanical world, of seeing beasts in terms of machines. For some of us it has always been the other way around, where we see machines in terms of beasts (to the motor that refuses to start: "You dirty dog," "You son-of-a-bitch.")

We quickly pass from Animal Motors to Windmills. The authors tell us that "the windmill was the first kind of motor used to relieve the farmer of physical exertion and increase his capacity to do work." They obviously never heard of farm subsidies.

There is a brief synopsis of the history of the windmill, going all the way back to Pomponius Sabinus who claimed that they existed in Roman times. The authors quote a Prof. Beckman, who says that Sabinus was a pomponius liar, although he is much too polite to use that phraseology. "Before 718 there were windmills nowhere but in Bohemia," they tell us. They identify six types of windmills, including the Jumbos, the Merry-go-rounds, and for feisty women, the Battle-ax mills.

Next come steam engines, the inventor of which was Hero of Alexandria, who was more than just a hero to his people. Newcomen, Calley, and Savery invented the modern boiler in 1675 to pump water. Newcomen was forever and a day inviting people in: "Who's there?" they would say. "Newcomen," he said, and they did. We know nothing about Calley, but presumably Savery liked good food. Gas, Oil, and Alcohol engines appeared, and the concept of internal combustion came from Huyghens in 1689. He suggested that metal cylinders be packed with gunpowder and then ignited. He experimented with these but, unfortunately, went up in flames before his experiments could get off the ground.

The Otto cycle (where gas and air are mixed before ignition), was invented by Otto the Second, also known as Otto Otto. His son, Otto III (Otto Otto Otto) invented the four-cycle engine, and then went out with a fifth to celebrate.

The final labor-saving devices discussed in Farm Motor are "electricals," which includes voltmeters, DC motors, lightbulbs [See Fig 370 above], Rock, Rap, and Raves [not shown] --- all of which are designed to keep people up all night even though they, like good farm folk everywhere, would be better off going to bed with the chickens if not getting up with the fleas.