A Geezer with
The St. Vitus' Dance
Part I
One of the advantages of geezerhood besides getting up four times a night and forgetting our children's married names (and even our children's names) is that we now understand why those other ancients we knew so long ago did what they did.

For instance, there is a matter of the fly. Why do the males in the Liver-Spot Set always leave their flies unzipped? The answer is simple. Each time we zip it up, we think, "In my lifetime, I have done this at least 20,000 times. Why should I bother doing this again? Who cares? Who's interested in what's in there anyway?"

The same goes for closing our mouths, cleaning fingerprints and dandruff off our glasses, shaving, changing our shirts every day rather than every five days, and tucking in around our stomachs. Hiding the most prominent part of our bodies is tantamount to saying that we are embarrassed at it's prodigious nature --- pretending it isn't there. A great tum is a tribute to many a gargantuan meal, many a weekend of drinking and feasting, downing whole barrels of ale, consuming whole beeves. Which --- alas --- I can no longer do: thus it becomes a basketful of fond memories.

Further --- I ask you: think on the Buddha. Was he hiding his lunch basket? Did he wear a vanity corset? Nonsense: its very girth was a tribute to his ability to go into the deep relaxation of Samsara, to be at one with the world, and himself.

Outside of ignoring these aspects of our personal life, there are other advantages of geezerhood. Our driving, for instance, becomes ever more exciting, ever more daring. I can drive up on the curb because I am preoccupied with other things; say, trying to remember my daughter's birthdate (or her name) (or my own). When I park, I can mash the bumpers in front of me and behind me because I forgot my glasses. The brakes? Since they are about as old as I am, I scarcely bother to use them any more, which means exciting adventures with bicyclists and pedestrians.

There is another plus, rarely mentioned. If you are a geezer, having trouble getting around, there is a fair amount of public sympathy available for the taking. This can easily be transformed into getting your way, even when you shouldn't. I had a chance to exercise this prerogative not long ago, when I traveled --- as I do each year --- deep down into Mexico.

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