Wasted, Anorexia, and Howard Hughes

Note: This refers to a review of a book about Howard Hughes from several years ago. Our index/search system is so gummy we have been unable to figure out where in our past fifty issues it lives. If any of our readers come across its Internet address, please advise us.

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To: RALPH
Subject: Anorexia and Wasted
I probably shouldn't be writing this at all, but for some reason i was angered by your review of the "wasted" book. I'm anorexic, and i don't wear it like a crown, though, i must admit, as ironic and as self-involed as it is, i think it fits fairly well. I must confess i haven't read the book but i was surfing websites regarding anorexic info and yours came up.... and its an interesting review, it provides a different perspective as compared to most of the other websites that offer medical advice. Anyway, like i said i haven't read the book so maybe there isn't much to argue about, or cast my point, but in relation to anorexia as a "thing," i hate to call it a disease because i don't believe in those kinds of words.... i.e. like alcholism being a disease.... it makes the person feel too powerful.... it makes someone feel like they have something, which sets them apart, which then becomes an obsession point....
listen, i am a tyrant, i totally am, i agree, and i was indulged as a kid and all that, and i can list off everything in my head that didn't go right and so on, but it doesn't bar the fact that living with this is like living in a tape loop that doesn't stop. You know when you listen to a song with samples and the sample is turning and you are patiently waiting for it to change sequence, or tempo but it just doesn't --- the same sample keeps looping over and over.... well its similar to that.... there are forces inside of me, (i can't speak for all.... though i suppose this letter is an indication that i'm assuming the torch for the cause) that are just compelled to destroy myself and cause harm... like i can't NOT do it, its like i have to die to live.... its a fucked up paradox, but that's an example of strange and twisted someone's mind can get....so....
anyway, this is a wasted letter, because i realize halfway through that it was merely a book criticism, and not necessarily a criticism of all anorexic patients, though i felt the sort of broad stroking of "according to one doctor, anorectics are tyrants that want to hurt their family...." yes that is correct on one level, but you must consider the motivations.... its not as simple as that.... there are other factors involved, i.e. self esteem, having to please.... never being good enough.... terrified of criticism....
in other words i'm trying to say, not all of us, are losers.... wannabe 90210 chicks who have hangups over that boy whose been staring at us.... some of us.... the issues run a bit deeper i.e. emotionally repressed families, unsolved conflicts, there's a lot of ingredients....
anyway, just wanted to give you my two cents, and i appreciate its not a condemnation of all anorexic patients, but i felt compelled to give my opinion regarding the reviewers point of view, and seeming self righteous attitude towards anorexia --- "for those of us interested in world politics and world struggle, reading about anorexia is a waste of time...."
I paraphrase, but i think i express the point.... its difficult and not simply a "childish" disorder for everyone

Anon